Let’s face it, healing unless you have a rock solid foundation in your relationship with your significant other, you will inevitably be on shaky ground. For some, this isn’t exactly a revelation, but for others it’s about fully grasping what a foundation really is.
To me, foundation means the building blocks to a fulfilling relationship and outcome. And just like a house with flimsy or severely cracked flooring, roofing or walls, it can’t stand upright or provide shelter if the foundation isn’t there in the first place.
So when it comes to relationships, it’s important to create a basis of understanding, trust, respect, compassion, empathy, vision, partnership, grace and forgiveness. Of course, this is something that is built over time, especially since relationships can be defined differently as they navigate their journey.
But the foundation needs to be the thing that holds the relationship together, as well as handle the ups and downs. It essentially comes down to having a shared belief in self-development and spiritual growth, plus realising that you are both on the path to understanding why you are here on Earth.
So here’s how to start building or reinforcing that foundation:
1. Grow Together in Self-Development
If you are both passionate about educating yourselves, especially in areas of self-development and spiritual growth so that you bond more intimately, rather than fear intimacy, then that is the foundation that you can always come back to. Basically, it’s what gives you the best chance for the union to have longevity. In addition, numerous studies have found that the relationships and marriages that do last the longest are those where the partners have the same core values and beliefs.
2. Create a Never-ending Honeymoon Phase
Even when the so-called honeymoon period appears to be over, there’s no reason why it can’t continue. But the only way it’s going to do this is if:
- You have the right beliefs about relationships.
- You understand why you are actually going into the relationship.
- Your partner has the same core values as you do.
By their very nature, whether it’s material possessions, sex, or something else, everything has a habit of changing and fading in life. So you want to look at ways of coming back to the foundation because that’s the thing that is unchangeable and rock solid.
3. Perceive Relationships the Right Way
There’s no denying the global divorce rate is humongous. However, I think that’s because there is a false idea or fantasy about relationships being like the Cinderella story. People have a habit of projecting their own needs on to their partner and believe they are going to fill that void for them. But it’s important to realise that your partner is not the one who is going to make you happy – you have to feel that first and foremost. At the end of the day, you’re on your own journey and having a soul companion share that with you is indeed a beautiful thing. It’s also the right way of looking at having a happy, fulfilling relationship.
4. Love Unconditionally
A rock solid relationship is about having no expectations, not judging, and learning about what love truly is, which is unconditional. That is, loving someone but also letting them go at the same time. Too often we try to control our partner, so unconditional love is continually about loving and letting go, loving and letting go, loving and letting go. It also means accepting and loving the parts in them that we don’t particularly like.
5. Look Within
A lot of the time your partner will mirror things back to you that need to be healed within yourself. But if you’re not willing to look at those things, then you tend to run away. The temptation is to avoid them because you don’t like to look at those things in yourself that need to be healed. In fact, you’re more likely to point the finger at your partner, saying: “It’s your thing to work out.” The key is to look at yourself and see what’s being reflected back, given this is most likely something you need to take responsibility for. Once you see it like this, you can look at it as a relationship of growth and evolution that helps to solidify and bring things together.
6. Choose Love, Not Fear
If we really get down to it, most of us are afraid of love, even though it’s the most beautiful thing around. What’s more, there’s only really fear or love that’s out there. Having a fear of intimacy comes back to yourself. But it’s important not to blame this fear on your partner, including any self-worth issues you might have buried deep down. As I’ve said before, you really need to love yourself first and work out how to truly embrace it. Of course, this can be difficult because any fear-based feelings are at a deeper level. By understanding and coming to grips with these emotions, it helps bolster the foundation in our relationship with ourselves and with others.