In the initial dating stages when we are still getting to know someone, we can be knocked from the exhilarating heights of excitement—where we floated on a cloud of anticipation, drenched in warm, gushy thoughts—all the way down to a level of anxiety which drives us into crazy-thoughts-ville while we wonder whether we’ll ever hear from him again.
Guess what! There are literally millions of the sisterhood who go through exactly the same anxiety and dilemmas. It’s for these millions (and you) that we have uncovered the most common dating concerns for women—they should assist you to reinstate some logical thinking.
1. Why hasn’t he taken me home to meet his parents?
Aaaah, the Meet the Fockers dilemma! There are a number of reasons why he has not taken you to meet his parents yet. Here are the most common explanations:
- He hasn’t even thought about it and doesn’t realise that this would be important to you. Many men don’t get the symbolic reasoning behind meeting the parents.
- He doesn’t generally introduce his girlfriends to his family until he has moved into a more serious status of the relationship.
- He is not serious about the relationship, therefore has no intention of introducing you to his family. Time will tell with this one. If you have mentioned it and he is providing no timeframe for a meeting or is not intimating that it will eventually happen then I would be checking to see if he wants the same things as you—longevity.
2. Why hasn’t he changed his relationship status on Facebook?
- He hasn’t thought about changing it.
- He is not ready to change it because you guys are not yet exclusive.
- He is not concerned with Facebook and statuses—and frankly, neither should you be.
Facebook Status: Its Complicated
3. Why does he have a wondering eye?
This is an age-old question and one that is answered simply. Men love to admire women in all their beauty and elegance. A wandering eye does not mean that he likes you any less, or even that he disrespects you—it’s the way the lovely male of our species is built. For a more in-depth insight to the wondering eye read –The Male Wondering Eye Syndrome! Don’t take it personally—sometimes the eye wonders mindlessly!
4. The awkward moment when you don’t know if you’re a couple or not
How do you introduce him? As your date, your pal, your lover? These is a good question when you are in the uncertainty phase of dating.
This can be a difficult one to navigate—do you broach the exclusivity question? Do you just assume you’re a couple as you have been spending so much time together? This is an important part of transitioning from dating into a relationship and it is always best to know where you stand. After all, you want to ensure that you are on the same page and want the same thing or are heading towards the same goal. For this reason, it’s always best to have the chat to make sure there are no blurred lines.
5. He said he wants to be exclusive but he is still on dating apps
Quite simply, he is not being honest. If he is saying one thing while doing another, such as remaining listed on dating sites, then you are safe to assume that he is not ready to be exclusive. A lot of talking means a lot of nothing if it is not matched by action! Watch what his actions are—not what he says he is going to do.
This is an unfortunate scenario and we always hope that someone is being true to what they say they will do but it can be quiet hurtful to find out that this is not the case. Best to address it sooner rather than later. The outcome will be one of three things:
- He will come clean and let you know he is not ready to be exclusive.
- He will delete the other dating apps and sign up to exclusivity with you.
- He will lie to you and tell you all is ok but continue on the apps! (Needless to say, not good boyfriend material and a red flag for what’s to come.)
6. He’s seen the message but he hasn’t responded
OK, allow me to be direct. Just because someone reads your message does not mean that they have to respond straight away. He may choose to read the message and ponder his response, sometimes he’s just plain busy and can’t take the time to respond. Sure, we now live in a quick-response world but messaging does not need to be instantaneous. Step away from your phone, occupy your time with something else and be delighted when you check your phone later to find a response.
7. When is it OK to say I love you?
When you reach the part where you realise that its more than just infatuation you are feeling and that you have arrived at the ‘Oh lord, I love this dude’ bit, your heart can be pushed to overflowing with emotions. You may be so brim-full of passion that you want to shout from the rooftops ‘I am in looooove’ but hold on a wee bit Cinderella. If you are going to declare it you need to have things straight in your head first, not only your heart. Make sure that it’s most definitely not just infatuation that has got you all hot and bothered—that serotonin has the power to mess with logic. Do you love him for who he really is—all that he really is? If you have ticked off that box then go right ahead and declare it. You will find out soon enough if he is in the same state of elation.
Women, when dating, are prone to overthink and over-analyse the smallest of occurrences, especially when our emotions are involved and we fancy a guy. It can lead us to act irrationally, do some crazy, dumb-ass stuff like over-message and become a little stalkerish! Try to find what helps you to take your mind off the scenario, talk to a friend to find out how to deal with it with a clear mind, and just breathe. Accept that every great start has some bumps in the road, and to be honest, they’re often bumps that men can’t even feel. You will find out soon enough whether the guy you are dating is heading for the long-haul—and either way, it will work out just as it should.