Having been in the dating scene for well over a decade, I have seen, read, laughed at and literally cried over some of the so-called experts who have come and gone. What I can say with conviction is that it’s those who have a genuine love for people and want them to have the best relationships possible who are the survivors. Dealing with matters of the heart takes more than slapping on a Dating Coach title, it involves getting to the core of people’s emotions.
That brings me to the fabulous night I had recently. I got to spend a night with my number one ‘go to’ relationship expert for women, Matthew Hussey. I have been a raving fan of Mr Hussey way before his name was in lights simply because his advice is solid and real.
I’m a self-professed fangirl, I think I love him (a lot). Not just for his sparkling eyes (I was up close and personal so managed to witness these for myself) but also for his real, no bullshit dating and life advice. Yes, you read that right, lifeadvice. Let’s face it, to get real when it comes to dating we need to get real with who we are first. Only then are we able to find the right partner for us. I’m talking self-love, self-respect, and self-confidence.
So, what were Matthew Hussey’s key take away points?
1. Flirt With Life
Matthew Hussey talked about flirting with life—not just the hot guy. Get out there, have fun and engage with others. Mix with those outside of your circle, join groups that will expand your circle. Get out there and stop being scared. Personal growth happens when you start meeting people outside of your core group. New friends introduce you to other new friends. And, you just never know who that new friend may be!
2. Start Conversations
Mr. Hussey advises we should, ‘Get good at starting conversations—with everyone’. If chatting is easy for you then go the extra 10% where it’s a little uncomfortable. Most people can ask questions, but they don’t get to the why. Why they like a certain place, why they enjoy a certain activity. Getting to the why is when you really get to know someone. That is the where the gold is.
3. Stop Wasting Times on Red Flags—There is No Time for That
If you see red flags, get out of there. Know your standards and be OK with the fact that you have them. Know what your values and beliefs are and if someone doesn’t resonate with them now it ain’t going to work out one year down the track. For example, if you love hanging with your family and they are not family orientated, don’t expect that to change later down the road. Be OK with your standards and OK to walk a way to find someone who resonates with what you want. Yes, you may narrow your pool of potential partners but it’s about being true to what you want.
4. Ask For What You Want
Be OK asking for what you want. As the old expression goes, ‘You don’t ask, you don’t get’. If you ask and don’t get, move on. For example, if your standard is that you want to talk on the phone (scary right?) then pick up the phone, call them, make it clear that conversation is your expectation.
Mr. Hussey said, “It is confusing for men. One woman wants to jump into bed straight away, another wants to move slowly. He doesn’t know what you want. You need to educate him on what you want”.
5. When Is the Right Time to Tell Them What You Want in a Partner/Relationship?
It doesn’t matter, it could be from the first date. If you want children and it comes up, let them know. This doesn’t mean you want children with them, it just means that’s what you want for you and it’s OK to talk about it when it comes up—whenever that may be.
Listening to Matthew Hussey coaching women at the live event I found a consistency in his approach. He took away the story and the drama that we tend to create and focused on what actually was and then provided steps to move forward.
Mr Hussey said ‘Life is too short not to be having fun, there is not enough time’.
One women stood up and asked whether Matthew could mentor her personally. There must have been 500 women in the room with the same desire. His response? “Find someone who knows 20% more than you do and allow them to be your mentor. That’s all you need, someone who knows more than what you do.”
There was simply so much gold in this two-hour event including many great insights and lessons that can be implemented straight away. His advice is current and resonates with daters but if I had to choose my favorite piece of advice it would be this:
If you haven’t read his book I suggest you get on it, it will give you so many aha moments and a new approach to finding love and getting out there.
To learn more about Matthew Hussey and his event in Florida that runs for 6 days (and sounds fabulous) —check out his website
main image credit: kiss925.com