One of the hardest parts of navigating through a break up, is all the other relationships that have spawned from you and your Ex Partner. Their parents, siblings and their crew of BFFs.
Sometimes, sides can be taken. Not only do you have to divvy up the joined DVD collection, you may need to divvy up friends and family. That’s the super sucky part of break ups. All the other little break ups that may have to happen because of your big break up.
So where the hell do you start?
Just as there is no specific time frame for how long it will take your heart to heal, there is no specific time frame as to when, where and how you now work the new dynamics.
Take it from someone who’s navigated two major break ups, (one being a broken engagement). You can keep your relationship intake with friends and family, even if the foundation on which it was built no longer exists. However, there are some suggested guidelines that are going to help.
ASK FOR SPACE
You are well within your rights to tell anyone and everyone you need space. Especially from those closest to your ex. The last thing you need is his best friend all up in your business asking how you are doing and filling you in on how your ex is doing. I’ve had ex’s family members apologise on behalf of my ex. It doesn’t change anything. We live in a text message world but if you have grown close to his family and his friends a phone call is so much more personal and gives you the opportunity to explain why you want some space for the moment. Hopefully, they respect your wishes and ideally will be there for you when you decide you are ready to speak to or see them again.
NO GO ZONES
You can talk about anything under the sun… just not your ex. Your ex needs to be like in the Harry Potter Series. He, whose name shall not be spoken. If you have other common interests beyond your ex then it will be a breeze. Yes the temptation will be there to ask how your ex is doing but is that what you really want? There will be people who you truly want to stay close to. Those relationships will be the hardest – if you let them be. Should the ex happen to come up you can choose if you really need that information. Remember its okay to say you don’t want to know.
Like all relationships, they can change and grow into something different. After a break up we are all a little different. We change and grow. Our closest high school chums are just some kids we used to hang around with. You can still go to dinner or brunch with them. Perhaps they do want to try that new aerial yoga pop up that’s in town. Make the new memories that are just for you two.
And sometimes we can’t hold onto those old relationships because they are just to hard to maintain without the foundation. Possibly even a little too weird. Can you imagine a time in the future when you are with someone else? Would having a relationship with your ex-mother in law where you still spoke every other week work? How would you feel if your new partner still has strong ties with their ex’s family and friends? All things that will become clearer as time goes on.
Can You Stay Friends With Your Ex Partner’s Family and Friends? Sometimes those people who you had over for dinner every week, turn into people that you just wish happy birthday on facebook once in a while.