You have met a hot guy!  Butterflies are your main companion and you get excited every time your phone beeps, thrillingly anticipating his phone call or text. You have clocked up, what you think to be three amazing dates and wondering if the fourth date is going to be just as fabulous. As the days stretch out, and the phone remains silent you start to assess your dating history and realize that you never seem to make it to the elusive fourth date.

For some, getting past the third date never happens and they are left wondering why the fourth date was not forthcoming, so to speak. With a firm belief that the first three dates went swimmingly and that he was into you as much as you were into him.

When women date – we tend to be a million miles down the road, visualizing our wedding dress and how he will look in his Tux. Dreaming about the perfect wedding setting and the ideal wedding favors. Whilst the man, the poor lad, has no idea what is playing out in a woman’s mind and he is way back where he should be – thinking – yep this is nice. I am just trying this out to see if we fit, have enough in common, enough ‘kismet’ to move onto the next phase.

The truth is, you don’t get past a third date unless there is a mix of chemistry and attraction. If you are into someone and they don’t ask for a fourth date then you can assume he just doesn’t feel there is enough connection to move forward with you.

What can you do about it?  There are a couple of things to consider:

  • Stay grounded and enjoy the dates for what they are – 1st date, 2nd date etc – there is no magical finish line and no reason to rush the dating process.  This is one of the most glorious parts of dating – the ‘getting to know you’ where everything is exciting and new.
  • Stop waiting for someone to choose you.  Sometimes women give their power away and just want a man to choose them!   It’s about you both making a decision. Does he have the  je ne sais quoi  that you are looking for?
  • Be your best self and do a self-assessment to ensure that you are not doing anything personally to sabotage your dates ie. being aloof and keeping an obvious wall up as this can be interpreted as not interested.
  • Take time to reflect to determine if any of your behaviors need some work ie. Talking about your ex or your parents too much, then it is a lesson learned and it will help to make you ready for the next compatible guy you meet.

It’s  better to know at the third date, rather than finding out later down the track that he is not the one for you.

Keep Dating … the right one is out there for you.