I’m not really sure how I fell off the horse in the first place. Here I was in happy, coupled, loved up land when the guy I had been seeing – let’s call him Barry, dropped the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line. Did he not get the memo that line was so 1990’s. I immediately embarked on a 21 day self help programme which involved a very close relationship with my friend Gin and Tonic. I told the story excessively until I lost my voice and read every ‘just been dumped’ book. In summary the books didn’t sugar coat the fact – he don’t like you, he ain’t into you, he moved on baby, you aren’t it, you don’t rock his world, stop pining for someone who is not pining for you.
Step 1 – Deal with it!
I slapped myself. Yet another flash back of being loved up and snuggling on the couch. I quickly reminded myself aloud to ensure penetration into my sub conscious – alcohol had been drunk, copious amounts of junk food consumed, ear bashing of all complete, tears that flowed like a river have been cried, a letter that spelt complete had been written. This is the day I declared there will be no more tears, every time I think of Barry I will replace it with the thought of ‘I am ace’. Acceptance is the first step! Life will be much brighter when you get to acceptance.
Step 2 – Time
I am having visions of punching a very close friend who is only doing their bit to reassure me that ‘with time all will be fine’. In other words – Time heals all wounds, with time you will feel better, it’s just a matter of time before you are over it – those favourite chestnuts! But in all seriousness, those expressions suck but are true. Each week will become better, each new person you meet will become easier, each outing will be much more fun and each new guy will lead you to the one that could be your next ‘the one’ or the next ‘just now’ partner.
Time does in fact heal all wounds.
Step 3 – Make a List and check it Twice
What are you looking for – do you know? There has been much debate about writing a list of the qualities you like / don’t like and we rule out those that don’t match the criteria. I vote for the List! You get to know what you want in life. I wrote a list of 10 qualities that I want in a partner, but will settle for 7 of the 10. There are two deal breakers that I will not negotiate on – integrity and open to a committed relationship.
Be clear on what you want and send it out to the universe.
Now we are on a roll and it’s time for the fun stuff…
Step 4 – Red Lipstick, Heels and a Dress
After chucking the 21 day break up t-shirt that had undescribed food objects and alcohol stains, I pulled out my red lippy that screamed ‘come hither’, highest heels and LBD and headed out for the night with the girls! When you look good your whole persona shifts… I must say that I matched it accordingly with continuous self affirmations ‘I am amazing’ and added some hair flicks.
I strongly believe that the only way to get over being dumped is to be “amazing darling’’. Even though I can quietly say that I didn’t feel so amazing, I was determined to fake it until I made it.
Do what you need to do to look amazing – the feeling will have no other option but to follow you.
Step 5 – Just say Yes
Yes, I would love to go to the new club, Yes I have been dying to learn Spanish, Yes, sign me up to get those dance moves, Hell Yes I will date you, in fact I will date all of you!
Be a ‘Yes Man / Women’… that’s right, say Yes to every invitation, every date, every request – get out there, try something new, date several guys at the one time – that way you aren’t sending ‘oh my goodness your it’ vibes.
Date outside of your usual genre – you never know what will pop up!
Step 6 – To get over it get under it
There is a theory that I have heard on many occasions, predominately from men. The best way to move on from the ‘break up’ is to have sex with another. This is a good theory but tread carefully with this one. You don’t want to end up blowing your nose into the new guy’s sheets if it’s all too soon and you are still visualizing your dumper.
Step 7 – Next….
A very wise man said to me (my brother who I would NOT normally claim as wise) that when he went through a break up his continuous thought was ‘what’s next’ you can certainly mix it up and say ‘who’s next’.
In closing, when my thoughts turn back to Barry, what was and what he represented I have taken solace in the fact there is ALWAYS someone else around the corner, I just don’t know when I am going to turn that corner. That is the fun and adventure of life!