Growing up, we quickly learn the fundamentals of friendship and which values are important, such as trust, being there for one another, and supporting your friends through the good and the bad times. When that all-important time arrives and boys get involved, it soon becomes apparent that friendships can be distorted beyond what we accepted as the norm.
It seems natural that in our youthful innocence and amid the flush of first love we can be absorbed by the boys in our lives at the cost of our friendships. Usually, our sanity intervenes and we return to the sisterhood, often when something comes up in life and we realise the importance of friendships.
At some point in the journey, you may be faced with the uncomfortable situation of being attracted to a man who is just not that into you and, in fact, fancies your friend. Like many women, I have been faced with this scenario—from both sides. I have been the fancied one while my friend can barely see straight for her overwhelming infatuation; and sadly, I have been the green-eyed woman longing for a man’s attention—a man utterly captivated by my blonde-haired beauty of a friend.
At the end of the day, we want what we want. Sometimes without rhyme or reason.
However, the sisterhood has an unwritten code that ensures we behave as good friends and even good wing women. The code reminds us of our childhood values, instilled at an early age when we were introduced to the fundamentals of how to treat others. The code keeps us on track when we might otherwise be blinded by desire.
For those who missed the sisterhood code and are uncertain about how to be a good friend in awkward situations like this, it would be my pleasure to share the code. Adherence to the code will help you be a successful wing woman and understand what is acceptable in this fluid age of dating.
He Digs You, Not Your Friend
If your friend fancies a guy, and yet he is paying you all the attention, back it up, back it up! It’s easy to engage with a man who is flirting and its always flattering to be the object of someone else’s desire but be the better woman. Remember the long-term cost of your actions and the hurt it will cause your friend. Be polite to the guy but do not engage!
There Can Be Only One
If you are in the situation where you both fancy the same guy, then sure, it’s game on. But be mindful of your friend’s feelings. One of you will walk away without the prize and you need to be prepared for either eventuality. Rejection and hurt feelings are inevitable here. Is it worth it?
If you decide that it is and you end up with the guy, there can never be any gloating and your friend’s feeling must be treated delicately. In my opinion, it’s a game best not played as there can never be any true winners.
She’s Got This
If your friend is being chatted up, embrace it and allow the conversation to run its course! Don’t be a hand-brake and interrupt, and never, ever try to get his attention. Women who do this demonstrate their lack of self-esteem and it is simply uncool.
Be Her Biggest Fan
Don’t embarrass your friend in front of any guy. Not ever. If you are going to tell a story about her make sure it’s one that shows her in a positive light and homes in on her great attributes.
Life and love are hard enough without having to navigate mines dropped by other members of the sisterhood. If you truly value friendship and love your friend it’s time to woman up—being a good and supportive friend will make the search for romance a shared journey.
Stay loyal, keep your friends close and remind yourself that no guy should ever be allowed to come between friends.