Have you ever had to deal with Bad Kissing? And surely there can’t be anything worse in life??
(modern-day problems! 🙂 )
There you are, on the verge of entering lustville, dating a hottie and salivating (OK, bad choice of words) at the thought of stealing the first kiss. Your mind is ablaze as you focus on their lips. Rationality has left your body. You try to engage in conversation but hear only mumbled words come out—your thoughts clearly elsewhere.
Those long flirty glances are intensifying, your body is aching from an overwhelming sense of attraction. You look up momentarily from their lips to determine whether your hopes are aligned. Is this the moment? Is it going to happen now? Will this be our first kiss? As you edge closer together it’s the moment you have been waiting for. Then boom—they steal the first kiss. You are giddy with delight. Light delicate kisses, slowly at first. Quickly building into …. WHAT THE FUCK?
The kiss is an absolute disaster. How can this be? How can everything else seem so right yet the lip action not be aligned? You question your own kissing ability and think no, it cannot be. You go back in for seconds, giving them the benefit of the doubt, only to realise that there simply is no doubt.
If you’ve been stunned by kissing incompatibility I’m here to tell you that you are not alone and that your surprise and disappointment is not misplaced. In fact, bad kissing is confronting and may almost tempt you to run back to your ex for an inappropriate yet oh-so-right lip embrace.
If you’ve been lucky enough to be unscathed by a bad kisser, be grateful. It’s awkward and disappointing at best, relationship-ending at worst.
These days it’s difficult enough to find someone you’re interested in dating, let alone someone you want to get remotely intimate with. To find a potential Mr/Miss Right and then have the chemistry killed by a kissing crime can be devastating.
OK, so this is NOT how you saw the first kiss panning out. Your vision of a steamy session wrapped in each other’s arms came to an abrupt halt as it careened into reality. All you can do is a quick checklist in your head:
- They’re hot
- You’re attracted to them
- You have stuff in common
- It’s been a great date/few dates
- There is potential. OMG they could even be the one.
But all that potential was dashed when they puckered up and planted one on you.
Honestly, here’s the thing. If this happens to you, you’re fucked! Just messing with you…BUT it’s not the easiest of situations to navigate. I have been lucky enough to experience some great kissing in my time, so when this happened to me I didn’t know how to handle it. What I did was what every modern dating blogger would do. I polled my readers to find out:
a) If they had been faced with this unfortunate conundrum
b) If so, how they handled it
Do I outright tell them that they can’t kiss, potentially crushing their self-esteem? Or is there a more subtle way to approach this delicate situation?
Here’s feedback from our readers about how they handled the problem…
- Suggested, ‘Let’s try it like this’.
- Had sex without kissing (how very gigolo of him).
- Changed his technique to take more control of the kissing, starting with slow sensual kisses then gradually building up to a more passionate kiss. He pulled back when it started to turn ugly.
- Pulled her hair to control the kissing—a little Fifty Shades of Grey but he claimed she liked it (?)
- Chose to raise the issue and said, ‘I think we have a kissing incompatibility’ right in the moment. It seemed to land well; however, she did not hear from him again after that date.
- Said, ‘I really like it when we kiss like this,’ followed by a demonstration of her style.
- Avoided kissing (only sustainable for a very short time).
- Stopped seeing them—it was a deal breaker.
- Married them and hoped for the best (apparently three kids later they are very happy). I’m not sure if they still kiss.
Let’s face it, no one wants to be told their skills aren’t up to scratch. We all want to think that we know how to lock lips as passionately as movie stars and can leave our co-star breathless. To be told that we’re not even B-list would be devastating.
If you got it goin’ on with them in every other area it’s certainly worth persisting with the relationship and working through it to get some better lip action. After all, everyone is trainable.
PS – For the Fella’s – Here is a tip on leaving women: breathless!!