To be honest, I truly don’t feel you can identify if a match you are emailing or speaking to online is a Narcissist.
Many reading this, may disagree. However, I’ve got some insights – having been married to a Narcissist.
There are the obvious, not very bright narcissists, who on the dating site, will clearly display pictures of their sports car, their muscles and of course them. That is simply too easy to spot.
I can put my hand on my heart and promise you can’t identify a narcissist for a very long time. Usually, by this time you are so in love with them or even married to them.
How does this happen?
More than often their love-bombing is so overwhelming and systematic, that we don’t realise what has happened until we are entranced by them. Narcissists, on the whole, are extremely clever and cunning. They don’t fall in love with anybody, they target who they want. Whether it’s for your beauty, your money, your social position in life, or your career. Once they have you in their sight, you are gone.
A narcissists charm is hypnotic and is their key points on how they wield you into their web. They can speak highly of their ex-wife or husband, children etc., yet later on down the track when you are dating them you can see that all of this was a façade of lies.
My top tips when beginning online dating to avoid a Narcissist:
1. Live A Life You Love before you begin online dating
This is paramount. To be living a happy, fulfilled life before you start to look for a partner is absolutely paramount. This way you are not needy, looking for somebody to ‘Complete you.’ You are looking for somebody to add something to your life. To compliment your life, to broaden your horizons, expand your social scene and teach you about new experiences that you would never have come across. You want a companion, a partner, and maybe even a parent one day.
When you are living your best life, you exude confidence as you are in control of your destiny. When you are happy and confident within yourself, you will attract what you project to the world, not settling for anything less than wonderful.
2. Have a List of Qualities & Values you want in a potential partner
Creating a list of what you want in your partner is a great starting point before you begin dating online. Don’t write a skimpy list. Write a detailed list of the qualities a partner must have. Think if you could be happy being a step-parent? Do you want children? These are very important questions that you must be honest within yourself before you meet a potential partner. What’s the point of dating somebody that never wants children, when you do? Don’t ever think you can change somebody, that is the number one no no of any relationship hazard.
If you begin the search knowing what you want, then you can be your most authentic and honest self from the beginning. You will then begin to connect with potential partners online with a plan. Instead of just connecting with anybody for the sake of it. You will know the qualities you are looking for, so go for it and have fun!
3. Say NO to a suggested date and watch closely their response
If you are online and corresponding with a man or a women who you just have a feeling that they are too good to be true, and could be a Narcissist. The easiest way to find out, is wait until they suggest a date. Whatever they suggest say no and sit back and watch their reaction. If they are courteous, polite and keep chatting and suggest another date/time, still be wary, but they have passed one of the Narcissist assessments. When another may become hostile immediately, delete them on the spot, as that’s how quickly narcissists can change.
Think of the wolf is little red riding hood and that is how you should think of a Narcissist. Charm personified one minute, and then the darkness of the devil the next.
My one hope for all of you reading here, is you don’t ever experience a relationship with a Narcissist. Ensure you are strong, confident and know your boundaries, so then online dating can be what it should be – FUN!