HAVE A CLEAR STRATEGY …
If you are Married or you have been cohabitating for a long period and have joint finances and/or children, you need a very clear, defined strategy. Before you separate!
Separating from a narcissist, regardless if the decision was yours or theirs:
- Your separation will not be amicable
- Their goal is to win at all costs
- There will be no regard of the pain they will inflict on you or your children
Separating from a narcissist, regardless of the reasons for the separation, nothing matters apart from their needs. Your needs, the children’s needs, unfortunately, they don’t matter, as its simply all about them.
If you understand this before you leave the relationship you will better equipped with what is to follow. If you are still in denial, it may be time to step into the reality of the matter. As tough as that is, its the only option for the sake of you and the children.
Ensure Your Physical Safety During Separation
When you leave a narcissistic partner, regardless of how bad their behaviour is, they don’t see their bad behaviour as the core of this separation. For narcissists, a separation will escalate their core issue, which is fear of abandonment. If you are concerned about yours and your children’s physical safety, ensure you inform your lawyer and/or therapist before even discussing divorce with your partner. If you feel unsafe, report your partner’s behaviour to your Lawyer and or police. If necessary implement a Restraining Order.
1. Open an Armageddon Fund
If you do not have access to all funds, this is a critical MUST. You must begin to add as much money to your account as you can. If you don’t have access to all funds this is Financial Abuse, and your partner will only increase their financial control if they suspect you are going to leave them.
2. Employ a Lawyer Who Understands Narcissism
If your lawyer does not understand Narcissism in its entirety, you have lost before you have started. Your lawyer must have a deep understanding of narcissists behaviour, to ensure your plan is strategic to be a step ahead of the narcissist.
3. Essential Self Care for Success
Love yourself enough to hire professionals. A Divorce Coach and/or Therapist, to guide you, to be by your side helping you make sound, logical decisions to make your future as abundant as humanly possible.
4. Everything Will Be Your Fault
Regardless if your partner had affairs, gambled or was violent towards you. Whatever their bad behaviour they demonstrated throughout the marriage, the Divorce will be all your fault. This is a key characteristic of narcissists.
5. The Narcissist Must Win At All Costs
It doesn’t matter the collateral damage to you or more importantly the children, all that matters is winning. This is truly a time you simply stand up to your partner, as they will absolutely bully you.
6. Narcissist Do Not Have Empathy
Definition of empathy ‘The ability to understand and share the feelings of another.’ Narcissists experience emotion but they do not feel them, which is how they can inflict so much pain on others and can keep going about their lives.
7. Lying To Benefit Their Case
Remember narcissists are the world’s best. They have lied to you and can lie to the judge. They can turn you into a pill-popping, alcoholic, neglectful person in the blink of an eye, and ensure everybody you have ever met starts to believe these lies are fact! Try to live a pristine social life during your divorce, as they will do anything to gain an advantage, regardless of the collateral pain and damage they cause. This includes anything that you post on social media.
8.Think Strategically Not Reactively or Emotionally
‘Stop & Think’ is my advice to anybody when Divorcing a narcissist. Every conversation, every action during this time is planned to gain a negative reaction from you, that they can use to their advantage in court. Just remember the two words – Stop & Think!
9. Save All Documents
Keep all abusive emails, text’s, phone recordings in the ‘Just in case’ file in the event you have to go Court.
10. Nothing is Going To Be Fair, Rational or Logical
Once you fully believe this, you are ready to take on your partner on a level playing field.
If you are separated or about to separate and feel you need some support, please do not hesitate to reach out to me or a Therapist, as a Divorce may be the most important transaction you do in your entire life. Make sure you have support so you don’t have any regrets once this difficult time has passed, which believe it or not, it will.