I recently spotted some advice provided by a dating coach in Australia. In order to protect the guilty party, he shall remain nameless. Please take heed and do not use these ridiculous, sarcastic pick-up lines unless your intention is to ‘piss off’ a woman and potentially earn yourself a bitch slap.

Here’s what the cringe-worthy Dating Advisor suggested:

Cringeworthy Dating Advice: She is on her laptop. Lean in and tell her that you caught her looking at nude men—how could she? Look shocked with a smile. 

Why you shouldn’t use it: If a woman is looking at naked men she certainly doesn’t want to share that information with others – especially a stranger or potential date. She would blush, no matter how this was delivered and you will need to work extra hard to get her past that awkward moment.

Replace with – ‘I am in the market for a new laptop, would you recommend the one you are using?’

Cringeworthy Dating Advice: Clink your drink glass (at a pub) against a random girl’s glass. Say, “Geez you’re rough, let’s try that again.”

 Why you shouldn’t use it: Is your intention to portray yourself as a wimp?

 Replace with – Clink glasses, “Nice to meet you, I would like to buy you your next drink.”

Cringeworthy Dating Advice: Two girls are having coffee; you walk in and ask, “Is this your first date?”

Why you shouldn’t use it: This advice is particularly bad. Women would be inclined to think you are an offensive guy with a lesbian fantasy. Furthermore, it could potentially be their second date.

 Replace with – “Excuse me, sorry for interrupting – have you ladies had the cakes here before? Any suggestions?” Opens up a whole conversation!  

Cringeworthy Dating Advice: Girl is at the pub ordering drinks. Ask her what drink she is buying you, tell her not to go overboard, beer’s fine and you’re not that fussy.

Why you shouldn’t use it: You have painted a picture of a tight-ass who wants his drinks bought for him. This falls far short of charming.

 Replace with – “I am going to give cocktails a shot, any recommendations?’

Cringeworthy Dating Advice: At the bookstore – she is reading a book. Lean over and whisper, “Gosh, free loader; uni education free of charge hey?”

Why you shouldn’t use it: 1. It is unfunny.  2. It’s not funny.  3. Same as 1 and 2. 

 Replace with – “I have read that book; it’s a great read.” Or if you haven’t read the book, “Do you have any suggestions for a book that has two people meeting randomly and builds excitement and suspense?”

Using one of the pick-up lines suggested by this Australian-based dating coach will guarantee you come across as an insecure, sarcastic, unfunny guy who lacks class.

Women do love funny. If you can’t deliver funny: a simple introduction; an engaging comment – these will far outweigh a silly sarcastic pick-up line.