There is nothing quite like the gut wrenching anguish when you suspect your partner might be cheating. Regardless of the time that you have been together, it has the power to turn your world upside down and question everything that you have grown to trust.

It would make the journey of life a lot simpler if there were a formula we could apply to understand the framework and mechanisms within relationships. What drives someone to betray a person they claim to love, and to trample all over the fundamental values instilled in the relationship?

I spoke with a number of both men and women who have, unfortunately, been faced with a partner who has cheated. During my conversations I was searching for a common denominator, a pattern, anything that would elucidate what drives a partner to seek sex or romance outside their relationship and become a cheater.

Top Reasons Why a Partner Cheats

The Opportunity Presented Itself 

Sometimes you are both travelling down life’s relationship highway—you’ve settled into your daily lives and routines and everything is going smoothly. One day a new person starts working at your partner’s work—you think nothing of it.  However, the newcomer is in a turbulent relationship and is having problems. He or she makes a conscious decision to have an affair and your partner just happens to be the target! It’s easy, they get their morning coffee together, work on projects together, and what starts out as harmless flirting soon develops into a shoulder to cry on and a source of comfort. Then BAM, a move is made. Your partner wasn’t looking for anything but the perfect opportunity presented itself and they took it. What started out as a professional relationship developed into infidelity.

This is a more common scenario that you might suspect. However, even when it is was not your partner who sought it out and initiated it, the fact remains the same, it’s cheating.

Seeking More Sexual Experiences

For some people one partner will never be enough and they have a need/want to seek out other partners. These people are driven by new experiences and monogamy just doesn’t cut it. Of course, you would expect that this is the type of thing that would be discussed in the early stages of a relationship—that the wander would be open about their sex drive and their desire to have other partners. This is often not the case, however, and one person is left thinking they’re in a monogamous relationship while the other is scoping the horizon for something new.

There Are Unresolved Issues in Your Relationship

Unresolved issues of any type can manifest when there is a lack of meaningful communication. Leaving the past unresolved and being unable to communicate your current needs and desires will build a leaning tower of resentment that can threaten any relationship. Your partner may seek out external validation and comfort from someone with whom they can communicate and feel an emotional connection.

There is No Sex in Your Relationship

A distinct lack of sexual closeness in a relationship is a common reason why a partner will stray. This is particularly prevalent in relationships where there was a regular and enjoyable sex life that has either diminished to nothing or has reduced dramatically—for whatever reason. Your partner may seek fulfilment elsewhere.

What You Can Do If You Think Your Partner Is cheating

Surprisingly, the cheating partner is often consumed with monitoring their partner’s behavior for signs that they suspect anything. This level of stress can push the cheater to extraordinary lengths to appear normal and avoid raising suspicion.

There are many approaches that you can take if you suspect that your partner is cheating. It’s true that for women, our instincts are generally our guiding force and should be relied upon; however, emotion can cloud our judgement and be misguiding. If you have doubts but do not want to risk bringing mistrust to the relationship without reason, there are other avenues that can be explored.

You could look to use a professional organisation such as Infidelity Investigators that has extensive experience in finding out what you need to know. Is your partner seeing someone else? How often are they seeing them, and perhaps more importantly, who are they?

Matters of the heart are never simple or pain-free and they can certainly be traumatic to face.  Dealing with a professional company with a specialised approach and knowledge regarding how best to handle these matters tactfully could make the difference in just how much pain is caused.