Teaching others how to love you and how to set boundaries for yourself was something that I was not familiar with… prior to becoming a coach.
I never put it together so simply and eloquently. Teaching – is so different to showing, to telling, to screaming to get it through to others! Teaching is such a softer and kinder approach.
When you teach someone you have boundaries, it shows them clearly that there are limits. Sure we have to be open to new people and let them in, but you can do that gradually.
Being open and I mean emotionally and physically, could be where you are falling down, or in my area of expertise, continually breaking up.
By the time a relationship is done and dusted, I can guarantee those that come to see me who say “but I gave him everything/did everything for him/would do anything for him” had no boundaries. Unfortunately, we go into most relationships blindly and just try to figure it as we go along.
By the time we decide that certain behaviours, actions, words aren’t acceptable and/or are hurting us, they have been going on for a while.
Que my favourite karaoke song:
Sigh! We can’t. Unless you are reading this way, way into the future, then this article is complete BS.
So moving forward, let’s look back at what we learnt from not just the last break up, but all the breakups we have had collectively.
How would you have liked to have shown up in the beginning?
Perhaps you would have screened your future life partners a bit more thoroughly.
Things as simple as not taking a call after 10pm can be a good way to ease a perspective into the idea of boundaries, without coming out and saying I have boundaries do not cross them.
I personally implemented this rule. Anyone calling after that time didn’t get any more of my time. I mean let’s be honest – anything after 10pm on any night is sniffing out if you are up for the booty call.
My now husband would call at 9pm so he would at least have an hour to chat.
Big Green Tick. Boundary respected.
Implementing more softer boundaries for others also shows a self-respect line in the sand for yourself.
Those who dare to cross it, should not make it to the next round.
You need to remember that you are the one that makes the rules for what is acceptable in your life. What things can be worked on, what things need to be gone over again.
If you aren’t so sure what they should be, then it maybe time to take to pen and paper and write a few out.
Can’t think of any? Start with writing all the things you know you don’t want. The things that tick you off about your ex basically.
Now you have a list of what you don’t like. Flip it.
- If your ex would disappear for days with no contact, turn that into a feeling safe and secure with someone you have complete trust in.
- If your ex never spent time doing the things you wanted to do, change it to having a partner that enjoys watching the occasion chick flick with you.
Maybe as you are writing out all these things that you want in your life to become your beautiful boundaries your ex-decides to drop a “Hey you” text message.
Don’t take that as a mystical sign that you’re meant to get back together. Use it to draw your self-respect line in the sand.
So you, your ex and anyone else that may enter your life from now on, know there is a certain way. A set of rules, of how to love you and never be afraid to teach others about your boundaries.