When you’re with someone, it behoves the man in you to treat them with respect and not be staring away at every bit of female curve that passes.

There are many questions asked by women about men when they’re on a date with them. For instance,

  • does he like me in this dress?
  • Is he going to take me somewhere nice?
  • Will we be able to chat easily?
  • Does he fancy me?
  • Why the bloody hell is he looking at other women when he’s supposed to be with me?

When I was asked to write about this, numerous thoughts filled my brain. Could it be that we like women and are always noticing them? Could it be that all attractive women are worth admiring? Could it be that we look at women a lot when we’re not on dates and it’s a hard habit to break? Could it be that women check out other men? Whilst the last one would never happen (or at least women are far more subtle about it so that we wouldn’t notice), the truth is we can get distracted by other women. And that’s all it is, a minor distraction.

However, ogling women is not a great way to spend your time, it has to be said. When has staring at women, ‘checking them out’, thinking how attractive they look, etc, etc, ever resulted in any interaction with them of any worth? So why would we waste time when we have scaled the incalculably difficult hurdle of actually securing a date with someone?

It’s not the best way to treat someone. Yes, there is always the risk that something could catch your eye. There might be a parrot doing Charlie Chaplin impersonations in the tree behind her and you can’t take your eyes off it. Yes, watching a sunset together can be incredibly romantic because the beauty is breathtaking. But when you’re with someone, it behoves the man in you to treat them with respect and not be staring away at every bit of female curve that passes.

It can wreak havoc with the woman’s securities. One would like to think that he asked her out on a date because he likes her, he wants to get to know her and that spending quality time with her is the best way to progress things.

We do look at women. It’s a fact. We do like to see them, bedecked in their finery and being out and about. It’s one of the greatest elements of the improving weather around springtime that more women seem to appear. That’s not to say we are suddenly transformed into the most accomplished Casanovas since loving was invented and we are going to be able to snare them all for our pleasure. Because that is a rather one-way arrangement, likely to result in misery and, to be honest, utter fantasy.

Women are delectably complex creatures. They might claim to be simple, but in my short lifetime, I am yet to comprehend them. Trying to close the gap between incomprehension and a relationship is one of life’s more enticing challenges.  Women tend to think a lot more about dates than men. Women tend to interrogate nuances of an evening that we don’t even notice. Women tend to lend value to issues that we trivialize.

But we want to be with that woman. If it was about being a caveman, bashing her over the head and dragging her off to caveland, then life would be simple. Pretty dull with an unconscious woman sparked out in front of you but let’s not get technical. We have to raise our game. We have to work for her, just like she has worked for us. We have to make the effort.

And if that effort means keeping your eyes on one person for the duration of the date, then do it. You are interested in her, you do want to be with her and you’re not cool by trying to look at other women. Being cool is being considerate without being desperate, being a good date is about finding out about her, not regaling her with tales of largely imagined derring-do, being someone she might want to see again is by being courteous not callous.

You never know, that outfit, that artfully applied make-up, the enchanting sparkle in the eyes – she has granted you these wondrous gifts so enjoy them, soak them up, relish in them for they are for you. Give her back the attention she lavished on you before she even left her house.