Julia Roberts’ modus operandi in the movie, The Runaway Bride, was to skip out on a dude when it came to the crunch. I found it rather strange, that she chose to remain in the same town. If I recall, one partner she ran out on, was on horseback. Who does that?? Only to return later and shack up with someone new.
I mean who wants to be in the same place – town – city – state – country and/or hemisphere as their ex when it all goes tits up? Not me, that’s for damn sure.
And so became my own, quite pricey pattern of the breakup getaway. True to my “all or nothing” subconscious programming, I, kinda like Julia, would take up and leave. But I would pack my suitcase and quit my job to take off for parts of the world after every breakup.
Excuse me? I hear you say.
Yes, that’s right! After a tumultuous love break down at 21, I did just that and landed in London after a 27 hour, 2 aircraft journey.
That should do it. Oceans and countries away from the fact that my ex-had hooked up with his ex-girlfriend, they were pregnant and he married her and not me! Slightly different from the vision I had for our relationship!
Surely strolling through Picadilly Circus and drinking vino in Notting Hill would make a girl forget her heartbreak woes right? Looking out at the world from the top of the Eiffel Tower would make a girl think the world would be okay again, right? I mean, dancing with tanned, muscular European men on a beach in Mykonos would melt all the pain away, wouldn’t it?
Well to tell the truth – they did!
For a fleeting moment.
Then “real world” comes to lay the smackdown like a long-haired WWE wrestler.
It’s easy to collate a bucket list of distractions and things to do, but if you don’t deal with what is going on in your head and your heart, you will end up repeating the same mistakes repeatedly. Much like I did.
Even two years later I was back on a plane bound back to Sydney to erase the pain of yet another big burn of a relationship break down – this time running from a breakup n London.
One would think you would learn – I, however, repeated this with FOUR breakups! Move over runaway Bride – you have some serious competition.
It wasn’t until I was living in Asia and I saw a billboard with my ex’s name across it in English that I realized that I had just packed all my problems into the hand luggage with me. Years of running away from my heartbreak compounded into one big emotional breakdown. Not because I had more attachment to the most recent ex, because I was feeling all the breakups from the past that I had not confronted rise up and demand to be heard.
That’s a hell of a lot of hurt for one human.
It was only at that point that I made the decision to not be the victim of my own pain.
It was at the time I spotted my ex’s name on the billboard that I was aware that I needed healing time, not holiday time.
In that moment I couldn’t out run or out fun my relationship pattern unless I chose to change it. Which saw me booking one more flight home to Sydney. I learnt to date and break up and date and break up and be okay with that.
So, unless you are setting out on an actual retreat to work on yourself, perhaps take a moment to consider some things before you max out your Visa Card and Afterpay fro a new holiday wardrobe, what you really want to get from a holiday.
Perhaps you can get that without having to travel to the other side of the earth.